Unless you have been living under a rock you are unlikely to have escaped information on the recent defamation case. At Phoenix we have followed it closely but remained silent in our watchfulness, feeling it is really important to view the entire case before jumping to any conclusions. Increasingly over the weeks we have become concerned at the extreme coverage which has seen many individuals thinking they should write, share or discuss extremely harmful mistruths about this case. It has led many people to act as if they are experts in the field and even worse a large percentage of people have felt justified in sharing harmful memes, videos and jokes which, whatever the outcome, and the truth, we feel will have taken the societal attitudes to domestic abuse back 10 or more years.
The case has been tried, and judged, on social media before it even started and with increasing conviction over the first few weeks. Media coverage has been extremely one sided in ways which promote misogyny, victim blaming and encourage violence and aggressive language. We have seen a deluge of commentary completely ignoring any evidence produced by Amber by passing it off as fake or lies. We have seen expert witnesses become targets of public campaigns to ruin their businesses, with thousands of people submitting false reviews on websites with the specific aim of destroying their online credibility through submitting 1 star reviews. Amber herself receives a multitude of daily threats including some horrific claims such as they want to microwave her baby.
So what is it about this case which has captured the public opinion so much? Why aren't most people allowing a fair trial and listening to all the evidence before sharing their opinion? For us we think this is due to the perfect storm. A society dominated by social media, by tik tok videos, where memes are everything and ‘going viral’ is highly prized and considered to be the ‘truth’ coupled with an extremely misogynist society where we seemingly worship attractive men while loving to hate beautiful women. We find any flaw in them and amplify it, whether that be perceived physical imperfections or, more often than not, focusing on some negative behavior without need for proof or being willing to change our minds. Is this rooted in jealousy? Or do we simply judge women more harshly because we expect them to be perfect while we don't feel the need to seek the same in men? We are not sure. Throughout this case we have seen these double standards in clear and obvious ways, here are just a few for you to think about:
* Amber’s every facial expression is judged, if she dares to smile - she is smirking, if she cries- she is faking, all unflattering images are turned into memes where as, in contrast, Johnny can openly laugh, smile, pull faces, eat sweets and do drawings and he is seen as ‘bravely smiling through his pain’
* If Amber answers the cross examination questions in an assertive tone she is aggressive and yet Johnny can be passive aggressive and openly sarcastic and he is applauded as being ‘brilliant and funny’
*Amber willingly engaged in at least two separate psychological assessments, undertaken by experts representing each side. These assessments are contradictory, yet the one made by an individual with no real expertise in domestic abuse and who spent considerably less time on the case is the one being shared as the ‘truth’. With people claiming that Amber has personality and histrionic disorders rather than the PTSD cited by the other expert. At the same time Johnny refused to undergo any psychological assessments at all. This has meant a huge focus on Amber’s mental health while next to nothing is said about Johnny’s not because there are no issues but because he refused to engage. Why might he do that?
* Recordings and admissions from Amber about her inappropriate behaviors are indisputable evidence which cannot be ignored, explained or understood as anything other than abuse. Whereas, videos of Johnny and photos of his abusive scrawls on walls and mirrors are simply evidence of him having a breakdown due to the stress of being a victim of her abuse and also through grief having lost his mother.
* Ambers messages to family and friends, begging for help or looking for support are allegedly fake and set up, whereas Johnny can text in vile language about ‘drowning and killing’ Amber and ‘raping her dead body’ and it barely gets mentioned and can be passed off as a joke.
* ‘Evidence’ of Amber's history of abuse is continuously quoted as fact despite both her and her partner at the time making public statements that there was no abuse and no charges being brought. Yet Johnny’s years of violent history reported by numerous parties including arrests for trashing a hotel room (during a fight with Kate Moss) , assault on a security guard and an ex-partners accusation that he was controlling and jealous, seems to be ignored with people stating that he has no history of abuse or violence or ‘Johnny will be Johnny’.
* Amber's witnesses are accused of lying and being paid by her, discredited and referred to as ‘crazy’, Johnny’s witnesses are ‘speaking from the heart’ and brilliant, even when being openly disrespectful to the court including vaping and driving while giving evidence!
* There are countless vile memes and online abuse of Amber being circulated, yet we have not personally seen any such memes or jokes about Johnny.
* There has been media support for ‘Brave Johnny’ who, after the jury retired, traveled to the UK to perform in a concert. I wonder what would have been said if Amber was seen out having fun in public and traveling the world after the jury retired? I am sure we can all guess!
The way this has played out makes it very difficult for the general public to see the truth in what is being said and to be able to create a balanced opinion of the case. This, plus the need to be ‘liked’ and perceived to be ‘right’, means that most people reading even a fraction of the opinions are far more likely to side with the majority than question any of it and express an uncertainty let alone dare say they believe Amber. It seems that when individuals do say they support Amber they appear to be accused of being ‘man hating Karens’, or ‘bots’ or simply given a barrage of abuse at how crazy they are to believe her in face of such overwhelming evidence. With the most often cited reason for that being ‘I don't trust her, you can tell she is lying’ it is worth remembering that this case has been to court before, in the UK, where it was found that Johnny had been abusive in 12 of the 14 incidents presented. An appeal was denied on this as it was felt the trial was fair and balanced and there was not new and significant information. Yet it is back in court again in an area known for its leniency on defamation cases. So in the previous case were all of the jurors, judges and officials ‘bots’ and ‘man hating Karens’ too?
As an agency with vast experience of working with domestic abuse with both male and female victims and male and female perpetrators we believe in everyone's ability to change, to improve their behavior and their relationships. In order to do this people must first admit that their behavior needs to change and then be willing to do the work to change it. One of the many sad truths about this case is that, whoever the perpetrator is, they are not likely to ever be in a position to be able to look for this help, it has been so publicly played out that the fallout would be too great for either one of them to back track.
Other sad truths are that the reality for victims is that their biggest barrier to support is perpetrators. It is a standard tactic to make counter allegations, to loudly declare to anyone who will listen that they are, in fact, the victim. To collect evidence of their partners faults and behaviors, and evidence of their mental health issues, and cite undiagnosed personality disorders as the reason for their erratic behavior. The reality of domestic abuse is that victims are not perfect, they do not often conform to expected images of them which society chose to believe is how a victim should act and feel. They behave badly at times, they retaliate with violence, occasionally they even instigate violence. This can be as a result of being goaded and wound up by the perpetrator or simply by seeking to take some control back after an extended period of ‘walking on eggshells’ during the tension building stage of the cycle of abuse. Often in controlling relationships we see these incidents play out very publicly, with friends, family or services witnessing a victim behaving in ways which will be seen as ‘evidence’ that they are in fact the perpetrator.
Modern society's propensity towards a search for equality means that services fear being accused of sexism and therefore, without adequate training, will automatically believe a male claiming to be a victim, affording them the ability to further abuse the victim through allegations and forcing them to defend their mental health, their parenting, their private life and every single poor decision they have ever made. Even when these cases fail at court, victims are often dragged back time and time again through the system with further counter allegations and evidence gained through stalking their social media or their life. Criticism of new partners, allegations of child abuse, even contacting their employers to spread malicious half truths about the person they have employed.
The bottom line is perpetrators can be extremely clever and manipulative and victims are not always likable or nice people. Perpetrators can be extremely convincing with their family, friends and anyone else believing their false version of the truth and seeing the victim as a problem. Victims on the other hand work hard to hide the truth, not telling anyone at first then maybe confiding in some close friends. Victims often empathise with perpetrators finding it easier to believe that it was a one off, due to stress, alcohol, money worries, their childhood or even due to the victims behavior. While in the relationship victims are often desperate to help fix the problem behaviors, wanting to focus on the good side of their partner which they see often in the beginning of the relationship but less and less over time when they realise the reality of the relationship.
Perpetrators are not ‘evil’ or ‘monsters’ they are people who have developed unhealthy behaviors and beliefs. They act in maladaptive ways which are often led by their own insecurities and fears. Victims see this and often work really hard to protect them, help them, hide the truth from themselves as well as anyone else. When the relationship ends the evidence is often very one sided with only two people knowing what really went on behind closed doors and both of them damaged by the trauma. Even at this point victims will make excuses for their partner and choose to focus on all the good things in the relationship seeing the abuse as just moments. This can mean it is many months or years before a victim can truely understand the abuse they have experienced and begin to be honest about what they have been through, especially when it comes to highly degrading forms abuse such as sexual abuse and rape. It is not uncommon for victims to not tell this part of their story for years, if they ever share it at all.
So what do we conclude in this case? Looking at all the evidence and testimonies and based on years of experience of assessing counter allegations, Phoenix believes that Johnny Depp is a perpetrator of domestic abuse and Amber Heard is a victim. We also believe that sadly this is irrelevant as there will be no winners in this case. Whatever the outcome Amber will not be believed and will need to live out her life being hated and threatened. Her career is over. Johnny will, regardless of what is proven, continue with his life and get many more jobs. He will continue to be adored by many and held up as some kind of hero. If ever accused again then undoubtedly the new partner will be accused of setting him up too and just jumping on the bandwagon for fame or his money, although I seriously doubt anyone would dare to accuse him again. What about victims? Victims both male and female, will be watching and silently vowing not to speak out, not to risk the hatred or the aggressive cross examination which would happen. They have read people's status claiming the way Amber behaves shows she is not a victim and quietly assess themselves, their lack of evidence and also their behaviors and chose to stay silent and afraid. Many will have been told by their partners that they are like Amber and a liar and wont be believed. For male victims in particular the case will be damaging, if the court finds Johnny to be the victim ( although this is not really the aim of the trial) they may feel they can be believed but I doubt very much that they will feel his story resonates with theirs. If he is found to be the perpetrator then the rhetoric will continue online that male victims are not believed hence making it harder for them to come forward.
For perpetrators we are already seeing an impact. For example on more than one occasion we have had men in our perpetrator groups who have been professionally assessed and have admitted to their abusive actions previously starting to tell us they are ‘like Johnny’ and their ex is ‘nuts like Amber’ and how men should be believed and women get it easy. This is a narrative that I am sure we will hear for a long time to come and does nothing to motivate people to take responsibility for their own behaviors.
The message we really wanted to share with this piece is to ask you to stop and consider the bigger picture when discussing cases of abuse. Ask yourself could there be another side? Are you seeing things fairly or do you even have the right information to make a judgment? Who might hear you? How might they be affected? Could your language cause a victim further pain? And at the core - are you becoming a tool for further harassment and abuse of a victim?
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, please reach out for help, you will be believed and supported. Things can get better. Or if it is your behavior that is a problem, reach out, get some help, admit the things you need to change. That can be really hard to face and the fear of judgment is extreme, but you are not your behaviours, you are able to change. It will be worth it for yourself, your children and your family and friends.
